Sealife Jargon

Pinnipeds. I came across this word while researching endangered species. It describes the Northern fur seal, and comes from the Latin words for feather (pinna) and foot (ped).

Dictionary.com gives this definition:

1. belonging to the Pinnipedia, a suborder of carnivores with limbs adapted to an aquatic life, including the seals and walruses.

Ah, the Pinnipedia! Try dropping THAT vocab gem into a conversation today. When confronted with the inevitable "Pinna-what?" don't give them the satisfaction of an answer. Instead, try raising your eyebrows and saying in an amused tone, "Really?" then, when they don't answer, look around to the others in the conversation and mouth the word "WOW." You can follow up with a dismissive "Any-waysss."

Let me know how it goes.

Expensive vocabularies.

Fuck you and your five dollar words, I got words Donald Trump couldn't afford.

But I'm saving them for someone special. Hmmph.

The Pains of Being (like) Plexiglas

I'd sort of like to be the kind of woman one might describe as delicate. But I'm afraid I'm rather sturdy and shatter-resistant. Like plexiglas. It's not so bad, though. At least I can take a hit.

Dear Michelle Obama:

Childhood obesity is not a privilege, it's a right.
A God-given, Constitutionally-implied, founding-fathers-approved RIGHT.
Same 's ignorance and hate-mongerin' and shootin' moose fer fun.
You un-American Communist.
Self-righteously yours,
The GOP

Splendor ME!

I just discovered that splendor can be used as a verb. Versatility, BAM!

Definitions from Dictionary.com

–verb (used with object)

to make splendid by decorating lavishly; adorn.

–verb (used without object)

to move or proceed with splendor, grandeur, or pomp.

Here's my suggestions on ways to integrate the splendor-verb into everyday conversation (you're welcome):

1. My new cubicle was super beige, so I splendored it with Justin Bieber pictures.

2. The crowd went wild as Steak Face splendored around the ring after executing his famous Porkchop Elbow Drop.

Excerpt from my life story

me to the mirror: Damn you! (it's mocking me.)

hatred is a hard habit to break
but it's ugly and appalling.
banishing it now.

me to my self-hatred habit: BANISHED! (I'm shaking my fist)

Just another paranoid monday

There was an old (presumably abandoned) car engulfed in flames on the southbound tri-state this morning. Cars heading north slowed to gape, but I thought we ought to speed up, because don't flaming cars usually explode? Luckily for me and my fellow morbidly fascinated drivers, this one didn't.

Another strange happening on this eerie Monday morning:

I sent a dozen or so pages of job tickets to the downstairs printer, in a conscious and noble effort to save colored ink. When I went down to retrieve them only minutes later, I found them in the recycling bin. I suspect the people in legal are plotting against me.