Hearts Don't Burst

"To lead a life in which we are inspired and can inspire others, our hearts have to be alive; they have to be filled with passion and enthusiasm. To achieve that, we need the courage to live true to ourselves. Rather than borrowing from or imitating others, we need the conviction to be able to think for ourselves and to take action out of our own sense of responsibility." - Daisaku Ikeda

I've been confronting some pretty daunting obstacles lately. Challenges which I've avoided for years through a variety of destructive, life-negating techniques. In Buddhism, the concept of fundamental darkness refers to the deep-seated human delusions that keep us from seeing the unlimited potential for beauty and truth and happiness that exists within each and every living being. The lies we have learned to believe. I'm not talented enough to pursue that career. My worth depends on how attractive, accomplished, or rich I am. I can't.

In the course of my life, I've cultivated a great many false beliefs about myself. These delusions are deep-seated and manifest themselves in many different, often subtle ways. Powerful emotional responses fueled by compulsive fear-based thinking. These reactions are not only life-negating, but self-negating. Which, ultimately, is the same thing.

I am on a mission to realize my true self. Therein, I believe, will I find my highest purpose. To be myself fully and with conviction, I aim to enrich the world in my own unique and valuable way. And in doing so, to be able to inspire others to do the same -- find their meaning in the precious individuality of their being.

To inspire. From the Latin, meaning "to breathe into." In my art, it has always been my goal to inspire others, to touch their hearts and fill them with the intense vitality of human emotions and the determination to pursue victory. What I've not realized until recently, is that this is also the goal of my life itself. And the way to victory is in transforming my mind and my spirit ... to breathe life into my heart until it is so full I think it will burst. This is a state of abundance. This is the passion I feel so blessed to experience. This is the indestructible joy I am seeking, and which I will realize through persistent effort and a renewed commitment to honor and be myself. Just as I am.

Miraculous Feats: An Update

I was mistaken. I'll be walking on hot coals, not water.

Manic Status Episodes

Or, how I manage my frequent need for attention and entertainment.

There are times when, sitting in my beige cage pondering a particularly troubling collectibles dilemma, I am overcome by an urgent desire to shout "look at me! listen to me! I'm having brainchildren!"

Luckily, I've found a far less horrifying and alienating alternative: manic facebook status updates.

Facebooking addiction, the socially-acceptable alternative.

Savage Vocab

I had a dream last night in which an older gentlemen whom I didn't quite care for used the word truculent, and nobody knew what it meant. So I enthusiastically assured him I would bring it back. So, even though I didn't take too kindly to the dude, a promise is a promise (as my sister used to say). Here's the gist. I think it's a good word for today. Or any day you're feeling emotionally assaulted.

truc u lent
[truhk-yuh-luhnt, troo-kyuh-]

–adjective

1. fierce; cruel; savagely brutal.

2. brutally harsh; vitriolic; scathing: his truculent criticism of her work.

3. aggressively hostile; belligerent.

(from Dictionary.com)

Remember Mixed Tapes?

http://schubas.com/News/Office+Mixtape+0520

I'm gonna jam to this for a while. I suggest you do the same.

Truth Babies

I've gotta stop listening to what my brain tells me. I'm pretty sure the truth doesn't express itself in words, but in feelings. Or instinct. Some still pool of silence deep, deep within us each.

I like to think of my uterus as the house of truth.

Free Monkeys!

Considering songs for a wolf-themed music box, someone suggested "Born Free." Which someone else dismissed because it is about lions, asking "doesn't it make people think about lions?"

I didn't reply, because it makes me think of gorillas. And I don't know what happened in my life to create that association, but I'm instinctively ashamed of it.

Wasn't there a movie about a boy and his gorilla, called born free? Or was that just a dream I had?