Gigglesome!

It's the word of the day. Use it! Here's how:
You: So I saw that musical comedy about prison sluts.
Friend: Oh, I heard about that, how was it?
You: Nowhere near as gigglesome as advertised.
Friend: I'm not surprised, it sounds pretty dumb.

Don't Fear the Ostrich

I like to think of ostriches as the storks of happiness.

Magical One-Liner

My favorite (or at least most memorable) line from the new Disney movie, Tangled: "So, you're being very cryptic as you wrap your magic hair around my hand."

Pet Peeve of the Day!

People who want bragging rights for working the most hours/having the shittiest job.

"You think you've got it bad, I work 80 hours a week AND I commute 6 hours to work AND I haven't had a day off in 32 years..." is NOT a winning argument. In any situation.

Learning isn't always fun

After researching the matter thoroughly, I'm starting to suspect that assed chaps are actually just a myth.

Which kind of makes me wonder, how many other fundamental principles of our current world view might also be unfounded? Is there nothing we can believe in?

The Most Distracting Analogy of the Week Award

An acquaintance gave me this advice yesterday: How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

I nodded politely and mmhmm'd, because I hardly know this woman and I didn't think it would be appropriate to throw my drink in her face, yell "you monster!" and storm out of the room. But honestly, what kind of sicko eats elephants?

My favorite way to wake up

I woke up and the Double Rainbow Remix song was in my head. Awesome!!!

Sincerely, Reiki Master

Someone just posted an advertisement for dog grooming services, and at the bottom, it states that the groomer is a Reiki Master with an ability to read dogs' minds.

Which begs the question, how exactly does one become a Reiki Master? Because if it's merely a self-ascribed title, and I'm pretty sure it is, then I am definitely adding it to the signature on my work email account.

Expectation

I'd say I'm about 26 11/12 years into my emotional pregnancy. I guess that explains the weird cravings and hot flashes.

Constant Vigilance

Just when you think you're safe, someone throws a grenade in your face.

Organic Band-Aid

Is there nothing mashed potatoes cannot fix?

On the joys of emoticating

My favorite emoticon wears sunglasses. Because nothing says cool like a pair of sweet shades.

Why you shouldn't sleep with crazy people.

Research shows, and I'm convinced,
that crazy spreads like syphilis.

My Upstairs Neighbors

An Indian family moved into the unit above me, and the smell of curry and garlic (and sometimes, an unidentifiable, fishy stench that can only mean something has gone terribly wrong) now regularly greets me upon arriving home after work.

At first I was annoyed, but then I put myself in their shoes and thought: maybe in their culture, the smell of Cheerios is considered offensive, and every time I make dinner, they cringe and silently curse my insufferable American habits.

But so long as they keep their silence, so too shall I.