The Most Distracting Analogy of the Week Award

An acquaintance gave me this advice yesterday: How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

I nodded politely and mmhmm'd, because I hardly know this woman and I didn't think it would be appropriate to throw my drink in her face, yell "you monster!" and storm out of the room. But honestly, what kind of sicko eats elephants?

My favorite way to wake up

I woke up and the Double Rainbow Remix song was in my head. Awesome!!!

Sincerely, Reiki Master

Someone just posted an advertisement for dog grooming services, and at the bottom, it states that the groomer is a Reiki Master with an ability to read dogs' minds.

Which begs the question, how exactly does one become a Reiki Master? Because if it's merely a self-ascribed title, and I'm pretty sure it is, then I am definitely adding it to the signature on my work email account.

Expectation

I'd say I'm about 26 11/12 years into my emotional pregnancy. I guess that explains the weird cravings and hot flashes.

Constant Vigilance

Just when you think you're safe, someone throws a grenade in your face.

Organic Band-Aid

Is there nothing mashed potatoes cannot fix?

On the joys of emoticating

My favorite emoticon wears sunglasses. Because nothing says cool like a pair of sweet shades.

Why you shouldn't sleep with crazy people.

Research shows, and I'm convinced,
that crazy spreads like syphilis.