False Start

I didn't plan well, and now I have a headache and a disturbing lack of focus at 10 in the morning. It's Monday, obviously. There is a couple to my 10 o'clock who are enjoying an intimate moment in a public coffee house. On a bench, no less. It's really unsettling my nerves. I mean, my nerves are already sensitive due to the series of inconsequential failures that has been my morning, but there's something about two human beings cuddling on a bench in a coffee shop AT 10AM ON A MONDAY MORNING. That is not a time for intimate cuddles in public. What kind of life are they leading that makes them so relaxed on a Monday morning? They are adults. Maybe students? They're gazing into each other's eyes and I can't even handle it. Go to work! Go to class!

Oh good. They left. I must have powers.

Speaking of being generous towards my fellow humans and other ways in which I'm falling short this morning, I should be working right now. But I left the necessary documents at home (though I brought plenty of unnecessary ones), and I'm clearly too emotionally fragile to cope with this catastrophe. Plus I ordered coffee, and I paid $4 for it with tip, so I'm not going anywhere until I drink it. It's some fancy pour-over, I don't even know. I wasn't unsatisfied with my coffee until I discovered there are fancier ways to make it, and now I'm ruined for drip coffee. Which I think is what you call coffee that's made in a coffee machine. You know, the regular way.

My theory is that people who have enough money to not worry about starving create these complicated and time-intensive methods of making coffee because we need to maximize our enjoyment of consumables while minimizing the effect on our waistlines. Instead of fearing starvation, we fear obesity, which isn't a judgment of our vanity so much as a matter of fact. We want to enjoy food, but we also want to preserve our health - or, if we're being really honest, our figures.

So we find ways to make healthy (or in the case of coffee, calorie-free) food more satisfying. The ritual of preparing coffee enhances its enjoyment. I learned that by listening to the Hidden Brain podcast (episode 1), and also through personal experience as a Buddhist and a one-time imbiber of The Marijuana and other recreational consumables (praise be and fear not, for I am now reformed).

I think it's okay that we trick ourselves into enjoying what we consume. Even if it is bougie AF. I'm trying really hard to come to terms with my own bougie-ness. My foodie impulses. But I'm such a crab about it. I just find it really annoying that I have qualities that are un-interesting and ordinary, because my favorite delusion is that I am a snowflake. Vulgar is another way of saying ordinary, isn't that interesting? And apt? What's another word for snob...

At least I'm self-aware. Just kidding, that's the most annoying thing of all. It's such a bother, knowing my motives. But hey, it's 10:30 and my coffee's almost drunk (go home, coffee...). So I better pull myself together and hit restart. Bye for now.

Me being conflicted about my bougie coffee.