One of the greatest hazards of small talk is being subjected to some near-stranger's medical concerns, personal tragedy, or generalized complaints about the injustice of their life condition. That's why I'm no longer going to ask "how are you?" unless I'm sincerely interested in the answer. From this day forward, I will be greeting coworkers and acquaintances with statements only. For example: "I bid you good day, sir." or "Girl, you're gonna make it after all." or "Solider on, comrade." or "Cool socks."
Moreover, when someone asks how I am, I will employ the proven strategy of preemptive aggression. Here's how I imagine this going:
Colleague: Hey, how's it going?
Me: That is a private matter I only feel safe discussing with a licensed therapist.
(awkward silence)
Me: Cool socks.
(at this point, I will turn and sprint in the other direction, then realize I just came from there and stop on a dime, turn around, and recommence sprinting, this time yelling nonsense and waving my hands above my head)
Well thought out...Hmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteI will forever be asking you how you are just for the chance to witness the hilarity that is now promised to ensue.
ReplyDelete