This afternoon, I opened a miniature DOVE bar (which I may or may not have yanked from a department that isn't my own) and discovered, printed on the wrapper, a piece of advice so mind-blowing it completely transformed my life. Here's what it said:
Do What You Love.
You can imagine how upsetting this was to me. I mean, here I've been this whole time, doing things I don't even like that much, let alone love!! When I think of the years I've wasted - being at work when I could have been petting puppies, or getting my teeth cleaned instead of sticking Q-tips in my ears, or doing anything other than getting massages, eating tea sandwiches and buying pretty dresses - it makes me feel disgusted, angry, and downright horrified.
Where were you all those times I was scooping cat poop, DOVE?!?
Anyway, I shared these troubling thoughts with a dear friend of mine, who had the brilliant idea of writing our own messages for chocolate wrappers. Except ours would be less trite and more honest. For example:
"I saw you steal this chocolate from Accounting, and I'm reporting you to HR."
"If you eat less chocolate, maybe people will stop asking you if you're pregnant."
"9 followers does not a successful blogger make."
Dear reader, I need your help compiling a list of such slogans to send to DOVE corporate headquarters for their consideration. Please SUBMIT YOUR SUGGESTIONS, IMMEDIATELY AND PROFUSELY, in the comments section.
Thanks. And remember, I love you.
No comments:
Post a Comment