#OBSOLETE

3D printing, like using a mobile phone for anything other than communicating, is one of those things that will only catch my interest begrudgingly, long after it's already mainstream. And even then, my interest will be motivated by an instinctive fear that the apocalypse will come, and the only thing that will separate survivors from zombie food will be the ability to use cutting-edge technology. You know, like the flashlight app I just discovered last week. Or hashtags, or planning my I-don't-even-have-a-boyfriend-but-I-love-fancy-parties wedding on Pinterest, or podcasts. Which I listen to on a second-generation iPod nano.

Sidenote: I just did some research (which is something I prefer to do AFTER writing an article, because I'm very avant-garde), and it turns out 3D printing can be used for a lot of fun things, not just guns that might backfire. Like creating your very own dinosaur skull to hang on your wall. Make it a dragon skull that really breathes fire, and I'm sold.

Maybe this means I should look into Vine. Probably I'll just focus on mastering my new Instagram app before it goes out of style, replaced by a younger, sexier site...like Vine. Shit.

I'm never going to survive the end of the world.

The Suggestion Box

Years ago, while microwaving a delicious frozen meal at the office, I happened to glance up and see a suggestion box. An actual box, for suggestions, with slips of paper and tiny pencils ready to capture my visionary plans for the future! Here is an incomplete list of some of my favorite contributions:

1. Puppy room. Every office should have a room filled with tiny, fluffy, adorable puppies and kittens, as an incentive. Finished that project ahead of schedule? Boom, 20 minute session with this guy in the puppy room: 

2. Scream room. I'm talking padded walls, sound-proofing, and a closed-circuit screening of the room's patrons. So it serves the dual purpose of allowing disgruntled employees a safe, practical, healthy outlet for their barely-suppressed rage and existential frustration, while providing ample free entertainment for the rest of the company. The alternative? This: 

3. Nap room. Do I even need to explain this one? The most feasible of all my room ideas, this would only require some low lighting, a relaxing new age soundtrack, or maybe a harpist, and a few of these bad boys: 

4. Heat lamps. This one was inspired by a coworker who said she'd bring her "beardie" in to work if it didn't need heat lamps to survive. After googling beardie and ruling out bearded collies, I confirmed she was talking about a bearded dragon. And I realized I need to have one of those in the office. I mean, look: 

5. Read suggestion-box suggestions. This idea sprang from my gnawing suspicion that my ideas weren't being forwarded to the powers in charge. Frankly, I'm starting to think none of my ideas have even been read, as I've yet to see even a single one implemented. Do you know how that makes me feel?