Years ago, while microwaving a delicious frozen meal at the office, I happened to glance up and see a suggestion box. An actual box, for suggestions, with slips of paper and tiny pencils ready to capture my visionary plans for the future! Here is an incomplete list of some of my favorite contributions:
1. Puppy room. Every office should have a room filled with tiny, fluffy, adorable puppies and kittens, as an incentive. Finished that project ahead of schedule? Boom, 20 minute session with this guy in the puppy room:
2. Scream room. I'm talking padded walls, sound-proofing, and a closed-circuit screening of the room's patrons. So it serves the dual purpose of allowing disgruntled employees a safe, practical, healthy outlet for their barely-suppressed rage and existential frustration, while providing ample free entertainment for the rest of the company. The alternative? This:
3. Nap room. Do I even need to explain this one? The most feasible of all my room ideas, this would only require some low lighting, a relaxing new age soundtrack, or maybe a harpist, and a few of these bad boys:
4. Heat lamps. This one was inspired by a coworker who said she'd bring her "beardie" in to work if it didn't need heat lamps to survive. After googling beardie and ruling out bearded collies, I confirmed she was talking about a bearded dragon. And I realized I need to have one of those in the office. I mean, look:
5. Read suggestion-box suggestions. This idea sprang from my gnawing suspicion that my ideas weren't being forwarded to the powers in charge. Frankly, I'm starting to think none of my ideas have even been read, as I've yet to see even a single one implemented. Do you know how that makes me feel?
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