Hearts Don't Burst

"To lead a life in which we are inspired and can inspire others, our hearts have to be alive; they have to be filled with passion and enthusiasm. To achieve that, we need the courage to live true to ourselves. Rather than borrowing from or imitating others, we need the conviction to be able to think for ourselves and to take action out of our own sense of responsibility." - Daisaku Ikeda

I've been confronting some pretty daunting obstacles lately. Challenges which I've avoided for years through a variety of destructive, life-negating techniques. In Buddhism, the concept of fundamental darkness refers to the deep-seated human delusions that keep us from seeing the unlimited potential for beauty and truth and happiness that exists within each and every living being. The lies we have learned to believe. I'm not talented enough to pursue that career. My worth depends on how attractive, accomplished, or rich I am. I can't.

In the course of my life, I've cultivated a great many false beliefs about myself. These delusions are deep-seated and manifest themselves in many different, often subtle ways. Powerful emotional responses fueled by compulsive fear-based thinking. These reactions are not only life-negating, but self-negating. Which, ultimately, is the same thing.

I am on a mission to realize my true self. Therein, I believe, will I find my highest purpose. To be myself fully and with conviction, I aim to enrich the world in my own unique and valuable way. And in doing so, to be able to inspire others to do the same -- find their meaning in the precious individuality of their being.

To inspire. From the Latin, meaning "to breathe into." In my art, it has always been my goal to inspire others, to touch their hearts and fill them with the intense vitality of human emotions and the determination to pursue victory. What I've not realized until recently, is that this is also the goal of my life itself. And the way to victory is in transforming my mind and my spirit ... to breathe life into my heart until it is so full I think it will burst. This is a state of abundance. This is the passion I feel so blessed to experience. This is the indestructible joy I am seeking, and which I will realize through persistent effort and a renewed commitment to honor and be myself. Just as I am.

Miraculous Feats: An Update

I was mistaken. I'll be walking on hot coals, not water.

Manic Status Episodes

Or, how I manage my frequent need for attention and entertainment.

There are times when, sitting in my beige cage pondering a particularly troubling collectibles dilemma, I am overcome by an urgent desire to shout "look at me! listen to me! I'm having brainchildren!"

Luckily, I've found a far less horrifying and alienating alternative: manic facebook status updates.

Facebooking addiction, the socially-acceptable alternative.

Savage Vocab

I had a dream last night in which an older gentlemen whom I didn't quite care for used the word truculent, and nobody knew what it meant. So I enthusiastically assured him I would bring it back. So, even though I didn't take too kindly to the dude, a promise is a promise (as my sister used to say). Here's the gist. I think it's a good word for today. Or any day you're feeling emotionally assaulted.

truc u lent
[truhk-yuh-luhnt, troo-kyuh-]

–adjective

1. fierce; cruel; savagely brutal.

2. brutally harsh; vitriolic; scathing: his truculent criticism of her work.

3. aggressively hostile; belligerent.

(from Dictionary.com)

Remember Mixed Tapes?

http://schubas.com/News/Office+Mixtape+0520

I'm gonna jam to this for a while. I suggest you do the same.

Truth Babies

I've gotta stop listening to what my brain tells me. I'm pretty sure the truth doesn't express itself in words, but in feelings. Or instinct. Some still pool of silence deep, deep within us each.

I like to think of my uterus as the house of truth.

Free Monkeys!

Considering songs for a wolf-themed music box, someone suggested "Born Free." Which someone else dismissed because it is about lions, asking "doesn't it make people think about lions?"

I didn't reply, because it makes me think of gorillas. And I don't know what happened in my life to create that association, but I'm instinctively ashamed of it.

Wasn't there a movie about a boy and his gorilla, called born free? Or was that just a dream I had?

Believe!

My Mom called yesterday evening to say she's signed me up for a seminar where I will learn how to walk on water. Best Mom Ever!

Letting It Out...Loud: Like So Many Broken Yolks

Letting It Out...Loud: Like So Many Broken Yolks: "The splatter pattern cracked a grin Toddled sideways back at him Pinched a nerve Proclaimed him cured and Spat it tattered out at him"

Dig on New Grooves

Cameron McGill & What Army released their latest album, Is a Beast, a few weeks ago, and I'm just listening to it now for the first time. It fills me with regret that I missed their release show at Schuba's, because this is a pretty spectacular album. More complex than the stripped-down and sweet Warm Songs for Cold Shoulders, and maybe a little more polished or ambitious than Hold On Beauty (both fabulous albums which I highly recommend), it offers all the lyrical insight that first inspired my enthusiasm for Cameron's music. More impressive, however, is the sheer mastery with which the band intertwines horns, strings, drums, and, or course, harmonica and ivory, around Cameron's slightly cocky yet irresistible and captivating voice.

Music is beyond words, so ignore everything I just said and listen to the album for yourself here:
http://cameronmcgill.bandcamp.com/album/is-a-beast

Never too late

I know this is a little late, but it's a treasure worth sharing.

The highlight of this year's Mother's Day was, hands-down, my mom's attempt to explain to my sister the meaning of S&M (it's like, whips and chains and / ew, mom, stop / but, when they, like, enjoy /ahhh, MOM! I know what it means!)

It's moments like these that I cherish the most.

Tell yourself, just for today...

I will banish self-defeating thoughts.
I will be daring and ruthless in my pursuit of self-esteem.
I will reserve my judgment and be generous with my encouragement.
I will seek and find acceptance within myself.

Or at least I won't try to convince others that I suck at life.

Self-contempt is so last season. Choose victory, dammit.

Professional Detachment

In copywriting, one must refrain from taking pride in or ownership of one's work. So when multiple people consistently "don't like" one's work, or describe it as seeming "weird," one does not fail prey to feelings of outrage, violent impulses and a false sense of worthlessness.

It's not that we think you're bad at creative thinking. It's just that we would prefer you to write words that don't make us confused, uncomfortable, amused, or any emotion other than materialistic mania.

At least I have my team leader (a fellow creative) on my side. Sympathy = Nonviolence.

Dear Chicago Police Department,

I will pay you your $120, because I have no choice. But know this: You're a big dumb jerk and I hate you.

Big angry face,
ME

Making friendly with reality

How does one deal with a painful reality? Deny, deny, deny. Then have a good cry, call your most sympathetic friend, and accept the truth in good company.

Conversation Between Two People in My Head

Question: Where does happiness come from?
Answer: My brain.
Question: What does that mean?
Answer: I am the key to happiness.
Comment: I didn't realize the door was locked.
Retort: There's a lot you don't know.

I say that with affection

Cast your ballot for your favorite office space ew-phemism. Comments are encouraged, as are suggestions. This is important business. Do NOT take this lightly. Or I will never blog again.

1. Dim-Den
2. The Beige Cage
3. Square Lair
4. Cubicle Cave
5. Heart of Starkness
6. Hazmat Harbor
7. Where Sunshine Goes to Die
8. The In-cube-ator
9. Den of Ridiquity
10. Poor-Square

Old Style + Defeat = Less Angry?

After a 1-0 loss to the Minnesota Twins, my Chicago White Sox are now 11-20.

I'm beginning to understand what it must feel like to be a Cubs fan. No wonder they're all drunken frat boys.