Jan 13, 2012

That's it, I'm voting for Stephen Colbert.

I read this morning that President Obama has raised $240 million dollars for his re-election campaign. 240,000,000 dollars. I'm too outraged to use exclamation points to illustrate my outrage.

Where the hell is that money coming from? And why the hell are Americans struggling to feed a family on $8.25 an hour when we can afford to donate hundreds of millions of dollars so that one politician can publicly assassinate the character of another politician, in an attempt to persuade us that our future as a country depends solely on one man? One man who is so far removed from the reality of average Americans that he believes "winning" is the best way to help our nation, and that political campaigning is the best use for $240 million American dollars.

I want to be clear that this isn't a party attack. Obama's "campaign war chest" thus far is roughly equal to the one raised by George W. Bush for his 2004 re-election campaign. No, this is an attack on stupidity, waste, power-hungry greed and a complete lack of perspective. This is an attack on the system, on politics, on "the man." That bastard.

I'm sure it's much more complicated than it seems, however.  I'm sure that investing that money in education, small businesses, or the housing market isn't actually a reasonable way to spend $240 million. I'm sure it will be worth every penny when we have a savior in the White House who has the sole power, intelligence, and wisdom to legislate all our problems away.

Unless, of course, we mistakenly elect the devil. Because there are only two choices. And there's only one way of distinguishing good from evil: advertising.

I'm voting for Stephen Colbert.

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