On marketing and naïveté

I'm writing this on my phone because I can't bring myself to open my laptop. It's an instrument of distraction. Or it was today. Confined to a cubicle without pressing deadlines, I find myself indulging in the most accessible drug there is. Facebook, Buzzfeed, the steady stream of promotions in my inbox. It's irresistible, the allure of consumerism. And it embarrasses me to no end. 

I work in marketing. I know the tricks, the psychological manipulation at work behind every word and image. 

Sidebar: When I first started copywriting, my boss told me to use the words "America's best" to describe either recipes or brands. I asked him what made them the best. It was a classic demonstration of my incredible naïveté. I wanted data to back up my claim. It didn't cross my mind that marketing claims could be arbitrary. One of the side effects of being raised by fair and just people, I suppose. I continue to marvel at others' ability to lie with ease, without guilt. It's a skill that would have come in handy, back in my troublemaking days. I  worry I sound self aggrandizing, but I think less so than a refined sense of morality, my inability to lie reflects a predilection toward guilt and shame, and a limited imagination. I'm too good for my own good. Moral boundaries are still boundaries, and artists need to color outside the lines. Not that I haven't broken the rules. I just wish I'd been able to enjoy it more, but see my note above re: guilt and shame. 

Back to the point, like I was making one. I'm tired and ready to shit off. But I wanted to say that I fall for marketing despite knowing better, and it makes me hate what I do. I feel terrible when I spend hours shopping online or seeking immediate gratification (in the form of relief from boredom and stress) that Facebook and buzzfeed provide. I feel disgusted, frankly. I'm too sensitive, I know. But all this noise, all this candy, is deadening in a world that suffers already from a lack of consciousness. Or so I perceive it to be. I want to be awake, alive, engaged, but I understand how difficult that is to maintain, especially when you need to keep the wheels of the machine turning. 

I don't want to decry the world of commerce and business. It pays my bills, and there are worse ways to earn a living. I'm just not cut out for it, despite the aplomb with which I can pull off business casual. Which is not too much aplomb, but just enough. Did I mention I'm tired?