How Embarrassing For You!

I learned this morning the reason that I'm so ... unsuccessful ... in relationships. According to a study from the University of California-Berkeley, people who are "easily embarrassed" are better at relationships, and because they are perceived to be more relatable, trustworthy, and generous. They also reported higher levels of monogamy.

I am deeply disturbed by this news, as I'm nearly immune to embarrassment.  I've learned to transform embarrassment into comedy, lest it transforms itself into shame. Embarrassment is an indulgence in vanity that I cannot afford.  At best, embarrassment is a useless emotion. At worst, it is an obsession.
In my experience, embarrassment isolates me from others. It obstructs creativity and limits my freedom of expression. I have no use for it.

Now, I can see where my lack of embarrassment might make me less relatable, or seem somewhat aloof. In a woman, especially, confidence in one's imperfection --- flaws freely expressed, with no apology offered -- does turn people off. I tell myself it is intimidating, understanding and accepting that most people will choose a different word. This doesn't bother me; it's a way to weed out the men I'd have no patience for.

But does my lack of self-consciousness make me untrustworthy, or selfish? Perhaps it suggests that I am not concerned about what you think of me, and therefore do not care about you. Not so! I care about you, I just don't need your approval. But it makes me think...if my sense of self-worth is not dependent on others' opinions, might that not make me less fearful of hurting you, alienating you, losing you? Add to that an appetite for pain, stemming from a belief in the inherent value of unpleasant emotions, and I begin to see the point.

Still, if an aversion to pain makes me more trustworthy, I think I'd rather be fearless and dangerous. But ask me again in a moment of melodrama, and I might give you a different answer.


Here's the full article if you're interested in some actual facts:

http://www.yourtango.com/2011109844/easily-embarrassed-people-are-better-lovers-says-study

Politics Scrambles My Brain into Angry Omelette

There was an ad on the radio this morning telling me that the government is trying to pass legislation that will punish teachers by taking away their pensions. Then, the news report said that two Illinois Federation of Teachers lobbyists, who substitute-taught in Springfield schools for one day each, qualified for full teachers pensions.

Posers! Imposters! Spokespeople! Middlemen! Liars!

So many politics, so few principles.

Work for your money, dammit, and stop trying to take it away from other people who have worked for it. Because teachers who actually teach--thereby providing a valuable service to society-- deserve to NOT be fucked over by those who don't do shit to contribute to the betterment of society.


Choose honesty! Choose integrity! Vote for NO ONE!!  Trust no politician, or those who share their bed (I'm talking to you, jerk-face lobbyists and union officials). Better yet, trust no one who advertises.

Fucking politics. Fucking liars.

Blending In. Or, Evidence of Insanity: Exhibit B.

An Excerpt from the Heart of Starkness, by Anonymous


I am wearing a light brown dress today, with nude-colored knit tights and tannish-gray boots. Which, I'm delighted to report, acts as camouflage in the Beige Cage.

In order to prove this phenomenon, I have been standing against the walls, being very, very still.  I'm certain no one knows I'm in here. Except, perhaps, the death-beasts living in the ceiling tent. They can probably smell me. I can feel their nostril-tentacles sniffing at me as I try to master the art of motionless breathing.

I am scared, and cold. I take solace in one thing, however: my almost-certain invisibility, which endows me with a sense of power reserved only for the gods and the death-beasts.   

You can't take the band out of bandersnatch, but you can't take the snatch out of my vocabulary!

Today's word of the day, compliments of Dictionary.com, is BANDERSNATCH!

It means a person of uncouth or unconventional habits, attitudes, etc., especially one considered a menace, nuisance, or the like. 

I know people like that, I've just never had the vocabulary to properly label them. Like those people who use Facebook to flaunt their bigotry -- racist, sexist, sexual preference-ist, religion-ist, cultural-ist, or just plain ignorant propaganda. Or the Tea Party. Those deluded protestors who seriously think Obama is the antichrist and that God chose them to be messengers of hatred.  Tom Cruise, before his agent told him to stop airing the crazy on public television. People who don't bathe regularly even though they have easy access to soap and water. Kesha (whose name I refuse to spell using anything other than actual letters, because that would be respecting her as an artist). Anyone who thinks evolution (and science, ergo) is the devil's attempt to sway us from a path of righteousness, and especially anyone who home-schools their kids because of science teachers. BANDERSNATCHES!

Who's the most dangerous BANDERSNATCH you know?