How Embarrassing For You!

I learned this morning the reason that I'm so ... unsuccessful ... in relationships. According to a study from the University of California-Berkeley, people who are "easily embarrassed" are better at relationships, and because they are perceived to be more relatable, trustworthy, and generous. They also reported higher levels of monogamy.

I am deeply disturbed by this news, as I'm nearly immune to embarrassment.  I've learned to transform embarrassment into comedy, lest it transforms itself into shame. Embarrassment is an indulgence in vanity that I cannot afford.  At best, embarrassment is a useless emotion. At worst, it is an obsession.
In my experience, embarrassment isolates me from others. It obstructs creativity and limits my freedom of expression. I have no use for it.

Now, I can see where my lack of embarrassment might make me less relatable, or seem somewhat aloof. In a woman, especially, confidence in one's imperfection --- flaws freely expressed, with no apology offered -- does turn people off. I tell myself it is intimidating, understanding and accepting that most people will choose a different word. This doesn't bother me; it's a way to weed out the men I'd have no patience for.

But does my lack of self-consciousness make me untrustworthy, or selfish? Perhaps it suggests that I am not concerned about what you think of me, and therefore do not care about you. Not so! I care about you, I just don't need your approval. But it makes me think...if my sense of self-worth is not dependent on others' opinions, might that not make me less fearful of hurting you, alienating you, losing you? Add to that an appetite for pain, stemming from a belief in the inherent value of unpleasant emotions, and I begin to see the point.

Still, if an aversion to pain makes me more trustworthy, I think I'd rather be fearless and dangerous. But ask me again in a moment of melodrama, and I might give you a different answer.


Here's the full article if you're interested in some actual facts:

http://www.yourtango.com/2011109844/easily-embarrassed-people-are-better-lovers-says-study